Part-1

Quotes"

"Sow a thought , reap an action, sow an action, reap a habit, sow a habit, reap a character, sow a character, reap a destiny

"A thousand mile journey begins with the first step"

"Common sense isn't always common practice"

"Your attitude determines your altitude"

"The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them — when they feel understood by you — that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open."

Part One: Paradigms and Principles

Points Worth mentioning:

• Preception: If you want to change the situation then changing your self is the way out. And to change your self you need to change the way to see things, i.e, "Your Perception".

  "The same level of thinking that created the problem won't solve the problem" —Albert Einstein

• Hacking habit formation
  • Knowledge—what/why to do
  • Skill—How to do
  • Motivation—Want to do These 3 a required for habit to stay and prevail.

For deeper study on habit formation, I would suggest you all to read "Atomic Habits", by -James Clear

• Effectiveness: The P/PC balance
  • Relating to the story "The Farmer and The Golder Eggs". Author extrapolates on the fact that there exist a balance between "Production" and "Production Capability" In short this principle suggests you to treat your employees exactly the way you want them to treat your best customer.

Part Two: Private Victory

Habit 1: ==Be Proactive==

• [x] image

Quote

It is not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. TBH- Doesn't make a lot of sense to me!!

• Being Proactive means being responsible and taking charge of your own life
  • Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. But people who end up with success are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.

    "Use your R and I" (Resourcefulness and Initiative)

  • But of course every individual is different and hence affirming their basic nature and creating an atmosphere where people can seize opportunities and solve problems in an increasingly self-reliant way.

Compare

==Reactive Language==

• There's nothing I can do.
• That's just the way it am.
• He makes me so mad.
• They won't allow that.
• I have to do that.
• I can't.
• I must.
• if only/.

==Proactive Language==

• Let's look at out alternatives.
• I can choose a different approach.
• I control my own feelings
• I can create an effective presentation
• I will choose an appropriate response
• I choose
• I prefer
• I will

The problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces—other people, circumstances, even the stars—for their own situation.

Circle of Concern / Circle of Influence

Anytime we think the problem is "out there", that thought is the problem

• [ ] image1 It focuses on have's and if only's
  • I'll be happy when I have my house paid off.
  • If only I had a boss who wasn't such a dictator.
  • If only I had a more patient husband.
  • If I had more obedient kids...
  • If I had my degree...
  • if I could just have more time to myself
• [ ] image2 It focuses on be's
• I can be more patient
• be wise
• be more loving It's focuses on the character

Proactive focus / Reactive Focus

Proactive people focus their efforts on the Circle of Influence. (COI) They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase.

• [ ] image1

React people focus their effects in the Circle of Concern. (COC)

• [ ] image2

Types of situations (According to author)

• Direct Control Problems: These are solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our COI.
• [ ] Add the reference of habit 2 and 3
• Indirect Control Problems: These are solve by changing our methods of influence.
• [ ] Add the refernce(These are the "Public Victories" of habit 4, 5, 6)
• No Control Problems: These can be tackled by the method of acceptance. To genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us.

Practice:

1. For a full day, listen to you language and to the language of the people around you. How often do you use and hear reactive phrases such as "If only", "I can't" or "I have to"?
2. Imagine an experience you might encounter in the near future wher, based on past experience, you would probably behave reactively. Now, review the situation from the context of your COI. Make a commitment to yourself to exercide your freedom to choose.
3. Try to segregate problems into to categories mentioned earlier and think about the solution in that context.
4. For thirty days work only in the COI. Make small commitments and keep them. Be a light, not a judge. Be a model, not a critic. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem,

Habit 2: ==Begin With The End In The Mind==

Measure twice, cut once

No involvement, No commitment!

• Begin with the end in the mind means to basically begin today with the paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference. This puts us into the perspective of what matters and what doesn't. If you have a bigger picture in mind the journey becomes well guided.
• In other words, this principle is bases on the fact that "All things are created twice"

Management v/s Leadership

Management is doing the things right Leaderships is doing the right things Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success Leadership determines wheater the ladder is leaning against the right wall. Reference in business: If industries do not monitor the environment, including their own work team, and exercise the creative leadership to keep headed in the right direction, no amount of management expertise can keep them from failing.

Re-scripting: Becoming Your Own First Creator

• We live with many scripts that have been handed to us. The way we see the world is completely based on the way we are programmed.
• 99% of scripts are human-made and are not rigid. But we have to become contemporary in order to write the wrongs with changing times.
• The process of writing our own script is actually the process of enhancing perception, being flexible, accepting, and recognizing ineffective scripts, the incorrect or incomplete paradigm within us. Thus, we can proactively begin to re-script ourselves.

Easy way to go about this is through Visualization and Affirmation. A good affirmation has five basic ingredients: it's personal, its's positive, its's present tense, it's visual and it's emotional. EX. It is deeply satisfying that I respond with wisdom, love, firmness, and self-control when I argue with a loved one. And if you do this, day after day my behavior will change. Instead of living out of the scripts given to you by your parents, society, genetics or your environment, you will be living out of the scripts you have written from your own self-selected whatever system.

Personal Mission Statement

Most effective way to implement "Begin with the end in mind" Once you have this set up. It works as a personal constitution, guiding you through life. Organizing long-term and short-term goals. Generally Personal Mission Statements aren't invented they are detected

Habit 1 "You are the programmer.". Habit 2 "Write the program." When people seriously undertake to identify what really matters most to them in their lives, what they really want to be and to do, they become very reverent. They start to think in larger terms thatn today and tomorrow.

Best practice for creating a Personal Mission Statement is to break it down based on roles you play in you life. Ex- Boyfriend, son, brother etc.

• [ ] ex image(144)

Habit 3: ==Put First Things First==

Things which matter the most, must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.

The successfull person has the habit of doing things failures don't like to do. —GOETHE

Manage from the left, Lead from the right.

Organize and execute around your priority

The enemy of best is often good.

Th key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities

Effective mangements is putting the first thing first. While leadership decides what "First things" are, it is management that puts them first, day-by-day, moment-by-moment. Management is the discipline carrying it out.

The power to do something that you don't want to do, if becomes a function of you values rather then a function of impulse or desire of any given moment, becomes a existential reality.

The Management Matrix

• [ ] image. (160)
• Quadrant 1: If you focus on this, it keeps dominating you and keeps on getting bigger and bigger.
• [ ] image(161-162)

Quadrant 2: is the heart of effective personal management, dealing with things that are not urgent, but are important. Building relationships, preventive maintenance, and all the things we neglect just because they aren't urgent but somehow important. Effectiveness takes a quamtum leap when we stay and work in Quadrant 2

• Just remember that when you don't say no to the urgent or pressing issue, you say no to the most fundamental and important thing in your life.
• When you let the compulsions take over, you say no to the growth positive effecting things in your life.

Qusetion:

If you were to fault your self, what would you choose?

1. the inability to prioritize
2. the inabilty or desire to organize around those priorities
3. the lack of dicipline to execute around them, to stay with your priorities and organization.

Tips to work in quad 2

1. Coherence: Based on your personal mission statement
2. Balance: P/PC
3. Focus: Focus on a bigger time frame like planning a week
4. People: Must contains time for people you care about.
5. Flexibilty: Can be modified according to change in plans
6. Portability: Always with your to review

Steps:

1. Identify roles:
2. Select goals
3. Schedule Long term organizing: Mission Statement > Roles > Goals Weekly organizing: Roles > Goals > Plans > Schedule/Delegate

You're the programmer; Write the program; Run the program, Live the program

Consider people and relationships on the basis of effectiveness rather then efficiency. And the first one on that list is you yourself.

Instead of using a roadmap, you are using a compass. More flexible and easy to work with!

Time is running at a pace that it has always been running on. The only thing that you can manage, is your energy. Try to schedule your energy or the amount of work you get done based on the importance of the matter, not just in short term. But majorly in long term.

Delegation:

• [ ] image-181 Delegating responsibility to others, allows you to put you energy onto other high-leveraging activities, and also it increase the trust between.

Producer:
A producer can invest one hour of effort and produce one unit of results, assuming no loss of efficiency
Manager: A manager, on the other hand, can invest one hour of effort and produce ten or fifty or a hundred units through effective delegation.

Stewardship Delegation

Focus on result, not the method (in terms of delegation)

1. Desired Result
2. Guidlines
3. Resources
4. Accountability
5. Consequences

Trust is the highest form of human motivation eg. Certainly you can pick up that room better than a child, but the kay is that you want to empowet the chile to do it.

With immature people, you specify fewer desired results and more guidlines, identify more resources, conduct more frequent accountability interviews, and apply more immediate consequences. With more mature people, you have more challengeing desired results, fewer guidlines, less frequent accountability, and less measurablebut more discernable criteria

TASK:

1. Identity a Quad 2 activity, and implement
2. Draw the time management matrix for your self
3. Try delegation
4. organize your next week around your priorities
5. commit to start organizing on weekly basis if it works for ya

• [ ] image-190

Part Three: Public Victory

Paradigm of Interdependence

Treat them all the same by treating then differently Deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with a person through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping commitment ,build up a reserve.

==Six Major Deposits==

• ==Understanding the individual:== To make a deposit, what is important to another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, kinda thing!
• ==Attending to the Little Things:== Small discourtesies, little unkindness, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. In relationships, the little things are the big things.
• ==Keeping Commitments:== Keeping a promise is a major deposit and breaking one is a major withdrawal
• ==Clarifying Expectation:== Expectations are a major cause of disappointments. Clarifying them can seem a little intimidating and is in fact courageous. But, mutually agreeable set of expectations with each individual can turn all the relationships positive.
• ==Showing Personal Integrity:== "I really shouldn't tell you this, but since you're my friend..." don't be an asshole and break people's trust.

  It's how you treat the one that reveals how you regard for ninety-nine

• ==Apologizing Sincerely When You Make a Withdrawal:==

  If you're going to bow, bow low. — Eastern Wisdom It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong. — Leo Roskin Sincere apologies make deposit and repeated apologies make withdrawals.

==P Problems are PC Opportunity:==

Every P problem is a PC Opportunity—a chance to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production. Change from transactional to transformation ==Business reference:== "One department store chain that operates from this paradigm has created a great loyalty among its customers. Any time a customer comes into the store with a problem, no matter how small, the clerks immediately see it as a opportunity to build the relationship with the customer."

Habit 4: ==Think Win/Win==

It all start from using independence to tap into interdependence.

Six paradigms of Human Interaction:

• Win/Win
• Win/Lose
• Lose/Win
• Lose/Lose
• Win
• Win/Win or No Deal

Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth. First and the most important of the powerful forces at work is the family and the education system. When one child is compared with another based on some dumb criteria, what else do you except.

Competitions, not cooperation, lies at the core of the educational process This kind of thinking put the individual into a defensive mode all the time. And apparently defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative.

Win/Win or No Deal:

if a people have a real Win/Win attitude, they would stay longer in the communication process, listed to the party in front with empathy, and then expressed their mind with more courage. No Deal basically means that if we can't find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree to disagree agreeable—No Deal. No expectations have been created, no performance contracts established. If you can't read a true Win/Win, you're very often better off to go for No Deal

Five Dimensions of Win/Win

1. Character:

   1. Integrity:

   2. Maturity: "The ability to express one's own feelings and conviction balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of other "

      • [ ] Image 229

      To go for a Win/Win you not only have to be nice but also confident; You not only have to be considerate and sensitive, you have to be brave.

      Result: If you have this, You can listen, You can empathically understand but you can also courageously confront.

   3. Abundance Mentality: There is plenty out there for everyone.

Win/Win Agreement

A Win/Win agreement should be based on these 5 elements. The intensity of each of these elements depends on the type of task and also the people involved. For eg: For a responsible person, regular accountability checks could be reduces quite a big time.

• Desired results:
• Guidelines
• Resources
• Accountability
• Consequences

Practice

• [ ] image 245

Habit 5: ==Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood==

To turn every transactional opportunity into a transformational opportunity

"You don't have much confidence in someone who doesn't diagnose before he or she prescribes. But how often do we diagnose before we prescribe in communication?" Empathic listening is the way to understand someone build trust. This builds an Emotional Bank Account that creates a commerce between hearts.

Satisfied needs do not motivate. It's only the unsatisfied needs that motivate. If you don't have confidence in the diagnose, you won't have confidence in the prescription. The key to good judgement is understanding

Ways to Empathic Listening

Rephrase the content and reflect the feeling. The basic concept is, the moment the conversation or the response turns emotional (More feelings attached than logic) you need to tap into empathic listening. Make the person feel comforted and that he/she is being understood.

Layer upon layer—it's like peeling an onion until you get to the soft inner core. Most people directly start their logical autobiographical suggestive measure to the situation in discussion.

• [ ] Image 271

Habit 6: ==Synergize==

Synergize essentially means "Collaboration of Energies" Here it refers to collaborating with different people with different perspectives.

• [ ] image 282 It encourages the concept of widening you frame of reference and makes you more acceptable.

For some people their Left Brain (Logical) is more dominant and for some Right Brain (Emotional). But either way when a person has access to both the intuitive, creative, visual right brain, and the analytical, logical, verbal left brain, the whole brain is working. ==Just Extra story: My partner and I have the same problem where she is a Right Brain dominant person and I, the other way around. So we had quite a lot of difficulties in understanding what the other person is actually feeling or going for in a conversation.==

Is it logical that two people can disagree and that both can be right? It's not logical: it's psychological. And it's very real. At the end of the day the major takeaway is: ==Difference In perception is Good.== If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary. It's not going to do you any good to communicate with someone who agrees with you. ==Difference of opinion is a tremendous learning opportunity.== Value the differences, also the difference between your right and left brain.

Practice

• [ ] image 296

Habit 7: ==Sharpen The Saw==

Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things... I am tempted to think... there are no little things.

I'm trying to build strength. And that doesn't happen until the muscle fiber ruptures and the nerve fiber registers the pain. Then nature overcompensates and within 48 hours, the fiver is made stronger.

As long as you feel you are serving others, you do the job well. When you are concerned only with helping yourself, you do it less well—a law as inexorable as gravity.

There's no better way to inform and expand your mind on a regular basis than to get into the habit of reading good literature.

Treat a person as they(I know, I know. I like it this way. Keep your judgment up your ass) is and they will remain as they is. Treat a person as they can and should be and they will become as they can and should be.

• [ ] image 319

Inside-Out Again

It was as if I had become an observer of my own participation. I began to stand in that gap and to look outside at the stimuli. I reveled in the inward sense of freedom to choose my response—even to become the stimulus, or at least to influence it—even to reverse it. NO PROBING: As soon as we unfold the inner layers of vulnerability, we were not to question each other, only to empathize. Probing was simply too invasive. It was also too controlling and too logical. We were covering new, difficult terrain that was scary and uncertain, and it stirred up fears and doubts. We wanted to cover more and more of it, but we grew to respect the need to let each other open up in our own time.

To deal only with the superficial trivia without seeing the deeper, more tender issues is to trample on the sacred ground of another's heart

"We are spiritual beings having a human experience" -Teilhard de Chardin.